Avoiding Painful Confrontations? It Can Cost You as a Leader Today
The last few weeks have been hard on the hearts of many in this country and our world. Witnessing so much division and upheaval can make us feel powerless, especially when conflicts spin out of control. We are, after all, social animals. As such, we have a natural desire to cooperate. In the words of our Constitution, we crave “domestic tranquility.” Meanwhile, society teaches us not to “rock the boat.” Likewise, we are advised to “choose our battles wisely.”
But while confrontation avoidance has its benefits, it can be detrimental — and costly — when practiced in professional settings. Managers who allow bad behavior and even professional incompetence to go unaddressed, even if done in the name of “team cohesion”, can end up costing their organizations hours in time lost and untold dollars in lost productivity.
As a leadership, culture, and compensation consultant, I have seen the negative effects of conflict avoidance all too often during my 30+ years in business. And even when intentions are noble, the outcomes are rarely pretty. Here are just two examples of how “playing nice” ended up backfiring.
Conflict Avoidance Debacle #1:
A real estate industry client of mine employed an office supervisor no one could get along with. (Yes, the problem was him, not everybody else.) Among other deficiencies, this person would overtly dismiss anyone who came to him with a problem. It didn’t matter if he was presented with hard data or anything involving interpersonal conflicts. He just didn’t believe the problems of his underlings were worth his time or attention. He also had the unfortunate tendency to blow up if someone dared to question his orders or beliefs. In short: His word was not to be challenged.
Based on his position on the company org chart, this supervisor sat in a cubicle surrounded by more cubicles occupied by his direct reports. (This was how all of the company’s departments were physically organized.) However, rather than encourage free and open communication as intended, such proximity only served to stifle it. The staff was too intimidated by this individual to speak up, even when a situation warranted it.
So, what did company leadership do? Instead of coaching the supervisor to improve his “people skills,” the powers-that-be moved him to a corner office where he wouldn’t bother the rest of his staff. In effect, this supervisor was rewarded for his ineptitude. That’s no way to run a company.
Conflict Avoidance Debacle #2:
Another large organization I consulted for possessed a Human Resources Coordinator who seemed incapable of taking directions from others in her department. She would be given specific, detailed instructions regarding the performance of routine tasks, yet invariably veered off course to do things “her way,” often leaving chaos in her wake.
Her superiors, who’d been told to delegate lesser tasks to her so they could concentrate on challenges commensurate with their higher salaries, spent more time cleaning up her messes than they would if they had just done the jobs themselves in the first place. (Which, ultimately, is exactly what they ended up doing.)
Ultimately, the brass just decided to stop giving the troublemaker work. Yet, they kept her on payroll. The head of HR didn’t want to confront this coordinator with her incompetence, so they let her coast with minimal responsibilities while the company continued paying her a $55,000 annual salary — plus benefits. Again, her superiors ended up doing her job as well as their own.
Though these anecdotes may seem extreme, they are true. Worse, I suspect most, if not all of you, can easily come up with your own examples of time and money wasted due to leadership conflict avoidance. To this end, in her book Dare to Lead, author and researcher Brené Brown cites a survey of top corporate managers in which the #1 common misbehavior may be described with this quote: “We avoid tough conversations, including giving honest, productive feedback.”
Of course, at this volatile moment in our nation’s history, many of us want to do what’s needed to return to civility — especially to quell unrest. This is an admirable sentiment, especially to help achieve common ground on both sides. But when it comes to boosting business operations, a little honest, constructive feedback may be just what the doctor ordered.
Is your company in need of some tough love? We’re experts at constructive employee communication and engagement as evidenced by this recent Forbes profile. If you want to learn how to turn a difficult situation into something positive, please contact me at laura@conoverconsulting.com to get the conversation started.